Tsukishima x Reader: Selfish

   
    "The times to love, smile, laugh and cry...those days will never come again."

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    Thunk!

    "Here." Tsukishima thrust the can of warm coffee into your hands before tucking both hands into the pockets of his winter jacket then sat beside you on the park bench, his breath turning into a puff of warm cloud before disappearing. Winter had come and it was evident on the tall blonde's face that he did not enjoy the season as much as the little children that ran past you, each armed by a snowball. Their wide smiles and laughter wafting through the cold winter air. There was a blanket of snow all though-out the park which caused his glasses to turn a bit foggy.

    But it wasn't the weather bothering him at all...

    "Thank you." You smiled, trying to smile as earnestly as possible while trying to hide away the tinge of sadness in your voice. You pressed the can close to your cheek, relishing in the warmth it offered.

    'I have to tell him...'

    You weren't entirely sure if it was just you who felt the air grow tense, or if Tsukishima felt it too so you decided to sit in complete silence, fidgeting in your seat from time to time. When you had just started dating the teen, you never thought that it would be possible to feel as awkward as you are just now. You've felt as though Tsukishima had suddenly gone somewhere far away, where an invisible gap held the two of you apart. You had tried several times to save your relationship, but as time passed you had decided that it was impossible, which led you to your current situation. Stuck in complete awkward silence as you tried to find the perfect time to mention the dreaded topic. It was hard for you, and even though Tsukishima was mean and he teased you a lot, you didn't really want to hurt him. He was the least person you'd lie to, and he knew that too.

    "You look ugly when you're thinking too hard, speak up." His snide remark pulled you away from your thoughts and for a split second you felt your chest tighten. Birds fluttered in the distance , and the children's gay laughter seemed almost mocking.

    "Kei...Are we...okay?" The question came out more unsure than you thought it'd be, but you mustered all your strength and courage to turn to look into the middle blocker's eyes. In his usual calm eyes, was a look of far-off sadness. It was something you never thought you'd see in the proud blonde's eyes. His brows were knitted together and his lips were drawn into a fine line. Tsukishima remained silent nonetheless so you decided to continue.

    "I want to believe we are...but lately, I've felt so unsure and...and it makes me feel scared." You took a deep shaky breath and slowly held Tsukishima's gloved hand. "Do you still remember the day we met? I'll be honest and say that I didn't regret spilling juice all over your uniform that day. Because, it was because of that that we were able to meet. Although you did scare me a bit. And the way you looked when we saw each other during practice was priceless especially when you found out that the captain was my big brother!" Tsukishima's cheeks flared slightly as he looked away and scoffed.

    "I wouldn't have called you the 'juice pig' if I knew, besides. You don't really advertise your relationship with Daichi-san at all." 

    "Yeah, most people wouldn't know if they weren't personally notified. The same went for you and Asahi-senpai, except Asahi-senpai never called me names like you did." For a moment you forgot about your current predicament and had felt surprisingly relieved, but as soon as you were reminded of the thought, the smile on your face was quickly wiped off and so was the soft shade of red on Tsukishima's cheeks.

    "You were mean, inconsiderate, you teased me a lot and called me names." You held his hand tighter and you felt the tears blur your vision, Tsukishima squeezed back. "You laugh at me and we get into fights a lot, you were a selfish jerk but that was exactly why I liked you. You're different, Kei. It was hard for me at first, I used to always ask myself how I ended up falling for the very man I thought I hated. When you asked me to be your girlfriend I was so happy. More than you think and-" You stopped for a moment to peer into the teen's face and you smiled despite yourself.

    "But somehow along the way...we messed up. You started feeling distant, so close yet so far. We stopped talking and eventually lost our routine. I thought about it again and again, 'what happened to us? why do we have to go through with this? we were fine but then, why?' "

    "_[First Name]_." You looked up at the sound of your name, and in the next moment you were buried in his chest. Tsukishima held you tightly in his arms, almost as if never wanting to let go. His hand ran through your hair, and his head rested at the crook of your neck. 

    'I'll definitely miss it...being like this.'

    "Kei...stop." You struggled to free yourself from his grip. The longer he held you in his arms, the more you felt unsure of your decision to leave. Your heart tugged and your tears continued to fall, marring your porcelain cheeks with tear stains. But Tsukishima didn't listen.

    "Let me be that selfish jerk for one last time."


Extended Ending:

    "Do you need me to walk you home?" Tsukishima stood up from the park bench, just about ready to leave when he asked. You shook your head quietly, before looking up at the tall teen. "No, I can get home by myself. Take care, Kei." Tsukishima nodded, though a bit reluctantly before stuffing his hands into his pockets to keep them warm. 

    "Oh sorry, it must be awkward for you to have me call you Kei just after breaking up..." You apologized, scratching your cheek a bit sheepishly as you did. "It must have been out of habit...I'll call you Tsuki again from now on so-"
    
    "Keep it that way, it sounds better when you call me by my given name. I'm leaving, see you tomorrow. Don't be a klutz when crossing the road got that?" The blonde patted your head lightly before turning on his heel then left.

    [Flashback]

    "I'm going on ahead, I still have something to do at home. See you tomorrow." Tsukishima grabbed his bag and said his goodbyes to the team. Something urgent had come up in the middle of practice and Tsukishima had to leave a bit earlier than usual, normally you would've pestered him to let you walk home with him but you had some errands to run so you thought better not to. He was already walking through the school gates when he suddenly heard you call out to him.

    "Kei! Wait for me!" There you were, running breathlessly towards him. You were panting by the time you caught up to him. "What are you doing here?" He asked. You pouted before huffing.

    "Obviously I wanted to walk home with you! Onii-chan told me I could leave, he said he'll handle the errands I needed to run. It's nothing important really!" You flashed him a smile before continuing. "I'll always be running after you, so you better be prepared, got that?"

    Tsukishima stopped in his tracks as he remembered what you said, he turned around, his heart hammering in his chest. 

    'You told me you'd be there, right?'

    Right behind him, in a field of white snow....

    There was nothing.